End state or state in waiting?

As is always true in my life, one message of note becomes many messages of note. I like to think it’s because the Fates and Muses want to make sure I’m paying attention.  But sometimes it just pisses me off, quite frankly.

Lately I’ve been inundated with messages about being single.  Haven’t I addressed this already?  Truthfully, I’ve been happily single for quite a while now.  True, I have my crushes and my flirtations every now and again, but at the end of the day, I look forward to cooking in the kitchen with my daughters, sharing a meal with them and laughing, walking the dog in the darkness and then sinking into solitude and silence for several hours.

I’ve hired a handyman who works miracles with my electricity and woodworking and horse-hair plaster and garden gates when I need him too.  And with Theo around, I no longer worry about strange noises at night—he ALWAYS checks them out for me.

But still I hear messages whispered around me, articles in magazines, news programs and even health tips about how important it is to be married…or at least in a committed relationship.

Then my daughter went away on a retreat.  ”What did you learn Kate?”

“Oh, they talked to us about girl stuff, I guess.”

“Like what?”

“Like being married.   And being single.”

“What did they tell you about being married?”

“All sorts of things about compromise and communication and how important it is for your health and well-being.”

“What did they tell you about being single?”

“Well…that you wouldn’t have someone around to tell you what to do…until you found someone, I guess.”

Now, I ask you Gentle Penguin…REALLY?

I can tell you for certain, my clients tell me what to do.  My daughters tell me what to do.  My parents tell me what to do.  Heck, Theo the dog tells me what to do sometimes.  Doesn’t mean I do what they tell me to.  But this doesn’t define my singleness any more than it defines someone being in a relationship.

What defines my singleness and sets me apart from people in relationships, quite honestly, is my one-ness.  ”Solo a Mia,” my Italian friends call me still (“just me”).  ”Einzigen,” is my nickname in Germany (“single one”).  ”Darlin’ ina n-aonar,” per Shrek (“darling alone”).

Of course, to be clear, I’m not sitting alone moping or pining for anyone.  Nor am I trolling the bars or the internet dating sites.  I don’t toss pennies in wishing wells hoping for the one I love to find me (to find me) today (or tomorrow).  I spend my time quite happily hiking, and writing, and painting, and dancing, and singing, and cooking, and gardening, and hanging laundry on the line, and taking photos, and reading, and living.

Why does this mean I’m not whole?  Why do people assume this means I’m waiting for one more?  Why can’t I be enough?  As one.

Does being single mean you must always be in a state of looking, waiting, anticipating?  Can’t being single mean you’ve found someTHING to which you’ve dedicated yourself and on which you’re focused?  Can’t being single mean living without the burden of always trying to find someONE?

Can’t being single be an end state?  Or must it always be a state in waiting?

Advertisement